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When
that same lawyer arrived down under, he advised the devil it must
all be a mistake: at 47 he was too young to be dead. "Oh,
I don't know," replied the devil. "Judging by your hourly
billing records you must be at least 103!"
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The
judge declared at the beginning of trial: "Counsel for the
defense has paid me $15,000 to find for his client. Counsel for
the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to find for hers. In order to
make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."
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"All lawyers are assholes!" declared a man in a bar. "I resent
that!" someone replied. "Why, are you a lawyer?"
"No, I'm an asshole!"
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A
doctor told his patient that she had only six months to live. "Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will
be the longest six months of your life."
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A
man was on vacation when he ran into an old acquaintance. "Hello,
Joe," he said. "I haven't seen you in years. What are
you doing these days?" "I'm practicing law," whispered
Joe. "But don't tell my mother. She thinks I'm still a pimp."
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A
lawyer was out hiking with a friend when they encountered a mountain
lion. The lawyer dropped his pack and got ready to run. "You'll
never outrun a hungry mountain lion!" exlaimed his friend.
"I don't have to outrun him," replied the lawyer. "I
just have to outrun you!"
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The
next day a coyote came upon that same mountain lion licking a
pile of dung. "What on earth are you doing?" the coyote
asked in amazement. The mountain lion looked up dolefully. "I
ate a lawyer yesterday, and I'm still trying to get the taste
out of my mouth."
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One
day a tourist wandered into a curio shop in Hong Kong. Way in
the back, amidst the clutter, he found a brass statuette of a
rat. It was beautifully crafted, and the man decided he rather
liked it. "How much?" he asked the elderly Chinese shopkeeper.
"Five dollar," the shopkeeper replied. "Hundred
dollar with story." Five dollars seemed like a good price,
and the tourist decided that he could live without knowing the
story of the brass rat. So he bought it. As he wandered on through
the streets of Hong Kong, however, the man noticed with surprise
that he was not alone. Rats were emerging from buildings, the
sewers, everywhere, in ever increasing numbers, and following
him. Before long there were so many that he became genuinely frightened.
Finding himself at the water's edge, the now terrified man hurled
the brass rat into the bay. He heaved a sigh of relief as the
thousands of rats hurled themselves into the bay after it and
promptly began to drown. Shaken, the man made his way back to
the curio shop. The old Chinese shopkeeper looked amused. "You
comeback for story?" he asked. The tourist shook his head.
"No," he said. "I just wanted to know if you had
a brass lawyer."
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A
pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The
judge said " Mr. Conners you are hereby fined £100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my
client only has £75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him
a few minutes in the crowd…"
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Two
lawyers met at a cocktail party. "How's business?" asked
the first. "Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday,
I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught
up to it, there was already another lawyer hanging on to the bumper."
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An
airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the
cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared
for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked
the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All
set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one
lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
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After
telling a friend about losing a court case, the friend asked, "Did your lawyer give you bad advice?" "No. He
charged me for it."
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The
day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer
rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened.
He said that he had new evidence that made a huge difference in
his defense. "What new evidence could you have?" said
the judge. The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $50,000,
and I just found out about it."
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Some
American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli
general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general
told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive
front. It was made up entirely of lawyers and accountants. When
the time came to charge - boy, did they ever know how to charge!"
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A
man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's
rates. "$50.00 for three questions, replied the lawyer. "Isn't
that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the
lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
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A
lawyer charged a man $500 for legal services. The man paid him
with crisp new $100 bills. After the client left, the lawyer discovered
that two bills had stuck together -- he'd been overpaid by $100.
The ethical dilemma for the lawyer: Should he tell his partner?
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An
indigent client who had been injured in an accident went looking
for a lawyer to represent him without cost. One lawyer told him
that he would take the case on contingency. When the client asked
what "contingency" was, the lawyer replied, "If
I don't win your lawsuit, I don't get anything. If I do win your
lawsuit, you don't get anything."
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"How
can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow,
after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman,"
Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money
there has been only one answer to that question."
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Having
just had judgement entered against him, Mr. Walters was upset
to be handed his lawyer's bill. "It says here that I have
to pay you $10,000 now and $900 a month for the next five years!
It's like I was buying a top-of-the-line Mercedes!" The lawyer
smiled and replied, "You are."
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A
lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred
it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the thief go first, and the executioner follow."
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Two
lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks.
After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be
deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must
be elk tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
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After
examining the contents of the employee suggestion box, the senior
partner of the law firm complained, "I wish they'd be more
specific. What kind of kite? What lake?"
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A
man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer
went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail.
But his lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have
to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right.
When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
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God
decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences
once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
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A
lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself
greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs
over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!" "Congratulations
for what?", asks the lawyer. "Congratulations for what?",
says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived
to be 160 years old!" "But that's not true," says
the lawyer. "I only lived to be forty." "That's
not possible," replies Saint Peter. "We've added up
your time sheets."
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A
man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his
place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was
having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to
roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with
a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the
escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question the woman's
punishment?"
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A
small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the
stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded,
"Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people
and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising
big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know
you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do
he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do
you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why,
yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.
I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been
a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking
problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state.
Yes, I know him." At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom
to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very
quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks
her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
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An
attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting
that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide
eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?"
grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died"
said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." Replied
the governor "Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker."
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A
woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly
as you heard them," instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated.
"But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,"
she protested. "Then," said the attorney, "just
whisper them to the judge."
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A
red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case
involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply
wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor,"
the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter
a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."
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Taking
his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both
of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.
"You, attorney Smith, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney
Jones, gave me $10,000." The judge the reached into his pocket
and pulled out a check. He handed it to Smith... "Now then,
I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely
on its merits."
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Lawyers
for John DuPont now think they have found solid grounds for an
appeal of his murder conviction. They recently discovered that
he still has a lot of money.
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Despite
his best efforts, the lawyer's client was convicted of murder
and sentenced to die in the electric chair. On the eve of his
execution, the convict called his attorney for last-minute advice.
He was told, "Don't sit down."
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Johnny
Cochran was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted
to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot.
A farmer suddenly pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out,
and asked Mr. Cochran what he was doing on his property. "Retrieving
this duck that I just shot", he replied. "That duck
is on my side of the fence, so now it's mine," replied the
farmer. Mr. Cochran asked the farmer if he knew who he was talking
to. "No", replied the farer, "I don't know, and
I don't care." "I'm Johnny Cochran, famous lawyer from
Los Angeles", came the reply. "I'm the lawyer that got
O.J. Simpson off. I'm the reason he is a free man today - and
if you don't let me have that duck, I can sue you for your farm,
your truck, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless
on the street." "Well," said the farmer, "In
Montana the only law we go by is the '3 kicks law'." "Never
heard of it", said Johnny. The farmer said, "I get to
kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your fee and are
able to kick me back three times, the duck is yours." Cochran
thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured
he could take this old farmer. "Fair enough", he said.
So the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin. As he was
doubling over, the farmer kicked him in the head, and when he
hit the ground, he kicked him in the ribs. After several minutes,
Johnny slowly made it back to his feet. "Alright, now it's
my turn", said Johnny. "Aw, forget it", said the
farmer. "You can have the duck."
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A
man went into a local Chamber of Commerce, obviously desperate.
He asked the man at the counter, "Is there a criminal lawyer
in town?" The man replied, "Yes - but we can't prove
it yet."
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Two
schoolgirls were having an argument. "My dad's better than
your dad. He's a carpenter and makes buildings." The other
girl replied, "My dad does better than that. He's a lawyer,
and makes loopholes."
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A
grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What
does your father do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said,
"He's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you,
Sarah?" Sarah stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My
father is a mailman." Billy proudly stood up and announced,
"My daddy plays the piano in a whorehouse." The teacher
was horrified and prompted changed the subject to geography. Later
that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's
father answered the door. The teacher repeated what his son had
said and demanded an explanation. Billy's father said, "Well,
I'm actually an attorney. But how do I explain a thing like that
to a seven-year old?"
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Believing
in predestination, a new father set out three objects on the dining
room table in preparation for his son's arrival home from school.
The first object was a $100 bill. "That represents high finance.
If he takes this, he's go into business." The second object
was a Bible. "If he takes this one, he'll be a man of the
cloth." The third object was a bottle of cheap whiskey. "If
he goes for this one, he'll be a drunkard!" The father and
his wife then hid where they could see their son's approach. Soon,
the son entered the room and examined each article briefly. He
then checked to make sure that he was alone. Not seeing anyone,
he stuffed the money in his pocket, put the Bible under his arm,
and strolled out of the room draining the whiskey. The father
looked at his wife and beamed, "How about that! He's going
to be a lawyer!"
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One
day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better
students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how
would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's
an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think
like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd
tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my
estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages
of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp,
and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite,
cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away
with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein
before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of
whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise
notwithstanding..."
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A
golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway.
Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning
with pain. "I'm an attorney," the wincing man said,
"and this is going to cost you $5000." "I'm sorry,
I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But
I did yell 'fore'." "I'll take it!," the attorney
said.
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For
years, the young attorney had been taking vacations at a country
inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's
daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged
his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There
sat his lover with an infant in her lap! "Helen, why didn't
you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried.
"I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married,
and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said,
"when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all
night talking and talking, and decided it would be better to have
a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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"You
seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the
witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your
Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try,
some lawyer objects."
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A
Baptist minister had the misfortune to be seated next to an lawyer
on his flight home. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant
came around for drink orders. The lawyer asked for a whiskey and
soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then
asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister
replied in disgust, "I'd rather savagely rape a brazen whore
than let liquor touch these lips." The lawyer then handed
his drink back to the attendant and told her with delight, "I
didn't know there was a choice."
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A
group of headhunters sets up a small stand near a well-traveled
road. The bill of fare is as follows: Sautéed Tourist $10 Braised
Reporter $12 Fried Diplomat $15 Barbecued Lawyer $110 A customer,
noticing the great price differential, asked why lawyers cost
so much. The headhunter replied, "If you had ever tried to
clean one of those devils, you would understand."
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Two
law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle
of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. "Damn,"
he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."
His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both
here."
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A
group of professional men had finished a day's hunt and were relaxing
around the fire. Their hunting dogs occupied a clearing nearby.
One of the men observed that it was remarkable how the dogs had
acquired the traits of their owners. The musician's dog was softly
howling strains of the Moonlight sonata. The engineer's dog was
using his paw to perform calculations in the dust. The lawyer's
dog was screwing all the rest.
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Two
lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. "Look,"
said one, "let's be honest with each other." "Okay,
you first," replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
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When
applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his
law school tuition would be any special problem. He replied that
he paid it back right after his first case. When asked how he
managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
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The
devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I
can arrange some things for you, the devil said. "I'll increase
your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients
will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year
and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your
wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls
rot in Hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment.
"What's the catch?, he asked.
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A
physician, an engineer and an attorney were discussing who among
them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took
a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon.
Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession." The engineer
replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth
from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer.
Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "but
who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
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A
doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor
was approached by a man who asked for advice on how to handle
his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned
to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the
situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function.
Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer
replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so. The next day,
the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also
sent one to the doctor.
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A
gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old
legal lions gave them a fight for their lives and the gang was
happy just to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted.
"We got out with $25 between us." "I warned you
to stay clear of lawyers!", the boss screamed. "We had
over $1000 when we broke in!"
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A
law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the
firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr.
Smith there?", asked the client on the phone. "I'm very
sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist
answered. "Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand
me. I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night." "Is
Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again. "Madam, do
you understand what I'm saying?, said the exasperated receptionist.
"Mr. Smith is dead." "I understand you perfectly,"
the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
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Diogenes
went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?",
someone asked. "Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I
still have my lantern."
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A
lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The
client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury
came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his
client. The lawyer immediately e-mailed his client a message reading: "Justice has triumphed!" The client e-mailed back, "Appeal
at once!"
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A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the
affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The lawyer answered
it anyway: "Never got caught."
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A
Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding together
on the Orient Express. The Russian takes a bottle of the best
vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and
says: "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world - nowhere
in the world can you find vodka a good as the one we produce in
the Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw
it away..." Saying this, he opens the window and throws the
rest of the bottle through it. All the others were quite impressed.
The Cuban takes a box of Havanas, unwraps a cigar, lights it,
and begins to smoke, saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars
of the world. Nowhere else in the world produces such a fine cigar,
and we have so many of them that we can just throw them away..." Saying that, he opens the window and throws the box of Havanas
through it. Once again, everybody is quite impressed. At this
point, the American stands up silently, opens the window, and
throws the lawyer through it.
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The
son of a Spanish lawyer graduated from college and was considering
the future. He went to his father, who had a very large office,
and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner where he could
observe his father's activities. He could be introduced to his
father's clients as a clerk. This way, he could decide on whether
or not to become a lawyer. His father thought this to be a splendid
idea, and this arrangement was set up immediately. On his son's
first day at work, the first client in the morning was a rough-hewn
man with callused hands, in workman's attire, who began the conversation
as follows: "Senor Lawyer, I work for some people named Gonzales
who have a ranch on the east side of town. For many years I have
tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised
the cows, tended them, fed them, and it has always been my understanding
and belief that I was the owner of the cows. Senor Gonzales died
and his son has inherited the the farm, and he believes that since
the cows were raised on his ranch and fed his hay, the cows are
his. In short, we have a dispute as to the ownership of the cows."
The lawyer said, "I have heard enough. I will take your case.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" After the tenant farmer left,
the next client came in, a young, well-dressed man, clearly a
member of the landed class. "My name is Gonzales. I own a
farm on the east side of the town," he said. "For many
years, a tenant farmer has worked for my family tending the crops
and animals, including some cows. The cows have been raised on
my land and fed my hay, and I believe that they belong to me,
but the tenant farmer believes that since he raised them and cared
for them, they are his. In short, we have a dispute over ownership
of the cows." The lawyer said, "I have heard enough.
I will take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" After
the client left, the son came over to his father with a look of
concern. "My father, I know nothing of the law, but is seems
to me that we a serious problem regarding these cows." "DON'T
WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" said the lawyer. "The cows will
be OURS!"
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A
bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man in the
world that it offered $1,000 to anyone who could beat him in one
task. The bartender squeezed a lemon until all the juice ran out.
Anyone who could get a drop of juice out of it after the bartender
was done would win the $1,000. Many strong people tried and failed.
One day a scrawny man came into the bar wearing thick glasses
and a polyester suit. He squeaked, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and
squeezed away. Then he handed the rind to the man, who to everyone's
amazement, squeezed six drops into the glass. Stunned, the bartender
paid up, and then asked the man, "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack? A weight lifter?" "Nope,"
the man replied. "I'm an attorney for the IRS."
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A
young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated
lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and
he feared the worst. The lawyer asked the senior partner of the
law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of
Havana cigars. The partner was horrified. "The judge is an
honorable man," the partner exclaimed. "If you do that,
I can guarantee that you will lose the case." Weeks later
the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client. The partner took
him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad that you
didn't send those cigars to the judge?", the partner asked.
"Oh, but I did send them," replied the lawyer. "I
just enclosed the plaintiff's lawyer's business card!"
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A
truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he
would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would
see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him,
and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would
swerve back into the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving
along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good
turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where
are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles
down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father!
I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest
climbed in to the passenger seat and the truck continued down
the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down
the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But then he remembered
there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last second
he swerved away, narrowly missing the lawyer. Even though he was
certain he had missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD".
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his
mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest
and said, "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay", replied the priest, "I got him with
the door."
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A
housewife, a lawyer and an accountant were asked, "How much
is 2 + 2?" The housewife replies, "Four!" The accountant
says, "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures
through my spreadsheet one more time." The lawyer pulls the
drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How
much do you want it to be?"
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A
pedestrian was standing on the sidewalk when he saw a funeral
procession. The procession had two hearses, followed by a man
walking a dog. Directly behind the man was a single-file line
of at least two hundred people. Curious, the pedestrian followed
the man walking the dog and asked what was going on. The man with
the dog replied that the first hearse contained his ex-wife's
lawyer. The pedestrian asked how the man died, and was told that
the dog had bitten the lawyer and two days later the man had died.
The pedestrian then asked about the second hearse, whereupon the
man with the dog explained that he was the lawyer who had represented
his business partner in a long and vicious business breakup. The
man went on to explain that the other lawyer, too, had been bitten
by the dog, and had died two days later. The pedestrian pondered
this information for a minute, then whispered in the dog owner's
ear, "Say, would you mind if I borrowed your dog for a while?"
Without missing a step, the dog owner replied, "Okay by me
fella, but you're gonna have to wait your turn in line like everyone
else."
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The
lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he
went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home
to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work
he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father,
in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working
on for ten years!" His father responded: "You idiot!
We lived on the funding of that case for ten years
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